Every time we get pregnant my husband and I say to each other, “Maybe this time we should wait to tell people.” And then we blab to the very first person we see.
Every time, including this recent pregnancy that we miscarried.
It was no fun having to tell all of our friends and family about the loss–just one week after we had announced the pregnancy at my son’s birthday party. It was awful. After the loss a good friend of mine, assuming I was still pregnant, offered me a non-alcoholic drink at a dinner party, to which I had to meekly reply, “well, I’m not pregnant any more.”
It was terrible.
Miscarriage is rough and it is particularly rough having to deal with breaking the news to everyone, rehashing the details and mourning the loss again and again.
After this experience I understand why lots of couples wait to announce a pregnancy. I understand it, but I disagree with it. Despite this painful experience my husband and I will continue to announce our pregnancies (assuming there are more) immediately. And here’s why:
1. We are Utterly Incapable of Keeping a Secret
Well, the first reason why we blab is because we are blabbers. I mean, I’m a blabber. my husband’s not so bad. We blab about everything. My husband and I are always saying to each other, “Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this right away, but…” We don’t keep (even silly) secrets from each other and we are incapable of keeping big news under wraps.
This is just how I was raised. My parents told us everything, maybe even a few things we would rather not have known. Along with this I am just no good at sneaking around, making up stories or putting on an act, even if it is for a good reason. Even during those very brief moments when we have TRIED to keep something a secret we are found out immediately.
Maybe you aren’t quite as hopeless at keeping a secret as we are. But even if we could keep a secret, we still would announce our pregnancies right away.
2. Every Life Deserves to be Celebrated
The big reason why we announce our pregnancies right away is because we truly believe that every life, not matter how brief, deserves to be celebrated.
We want to announce each new life in our family and we want JOY to be the response. We want our loved ones to have the opportunity to glory in the miracle of new life with us. We want to high-five and hug and tear-up as we marvel at our abundant blessings. Parenthood has not numbed me to the miracle of new life. Quite the opposite.
It was painful to loose a baby to miscarriage and I dreaded informing our family and friends. I am so grateful, however, that this baby was welcomed into our lives, and the lives of our families, with joy first.
3. We Need the Support
As I’ve already shared, I wasn’t thrilled when I found out I was pregnant with this latest pregnancy. For the first 24 hours, before we told anyone, I was stuck in this really strange place. I was mad, and happy and not really sure I believed it. I felt deeply sorry for myself–was I just going to have baby after baby forever?
It started to feel like as long as I could avoid announcing the pregnancy I could avoid dealing with it.
And then we announced it.
And the response we got was so joyful and supportive. To be surrounded by all of that joy made me realize the joy I actually, truly felt about this pregnancy. Being pregnant, even if it was a little too soon, really was wonderful. Some of my friends shared about surprise pregnancies they’d had. My sisters were counting the months and figuring out maternity clothes sharing and the kids started to talk about the little sibling they had on the way.
Suddenly we were part of a community that knew about our baby, loved our baby and were ready to support us in any way we might need.
Suddenly the baby was real.
I’m not trying to convince anyone that they should or shouldn’t tell at a certain time. You and your spouse can decided that. I just wanted to share that, even after a miscarriage, there are reasons to announce a pregnancy immediately. And they are good reasons. Reason that will continue to convict us in our decision to tell right away.
All the best and thanks for being here,
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